Post by hasben on Aug 4, 2020 11:42:02 GMT -8
Every time I hear him speak I gag which probably inspired me to write this little brain fart for your possible entertainment.
If Trump were president during a 1940 mid-year press conference:
Reporter: Mr. President are you concerned about what Germany is doing? Is it true that…
OK that’s enough. I don’t know why so many people are upset with my friend Adolf. He’s a great leader. Great leader. Loves his country. Doin great things there in Germany. Pretty uniforms. Nice flag too with that swazika on it. Can’t miss that. See that and you know who it is. And he really likes me. Wrote me a nice letter. Almost what I’d call a love letter. He knows I’m the greatest president in American history and I think he’s probably the best Germany has had. So we have a lot in common. He likes dogs too. That means he has a good heart.
Reporter: But Mr. President…
I guess some people don’t like that he’s building up backward crap hole countries I use another word in private but I respect the press too much to say it here you know me I’m a sensitive guy so I'll say crap hole countries like Poland, Austria, and Czechlas… whatever it is. Maybe he’ll make them as great as Germany. And now the French are complaining because he’s going in to help them do amazing things. Amazing things like the world has never seen. We all know the French complain about everything. Maybe he can help them too and improve their attitude. Who knows? He’s got a little skirmish going with the Russians but I don’t expect much to come of that. I put Jared in charge of monitoring it and he says there’s nothing to it. In fact he’s working on an amazing peace plan for them. They’ll be hugging each other before you know it. By the way Jared just got a great deal on a new Mercedes directly from Germany. Cars and beer. They’re great at it. And Don Jr. is over there right now hunting rabbits. He loves to shoot rabbits…and elephants. Go figure.
Reporter: What if Hitler moves on England?
My friend Winston is a little worried about Adolf but that’s just the English in him. Strong leaders like me and Adolf intimidate the English. They lost the war with us you know, England did. Did you know that? Lot of people don’t know that. I told Winston to focus on his scotch and cigars and he’d be fine.
Oh and speaking of tough guys Joe Lewis is a friend of mine. He says I’m the greatest. He asked me how to knock out Burman and I told him. Bingo. Just like I said. Amazing. Just amazing. More athletes should ask me for advice. I know more than all of the coaches and trainers.
Reporter: Mr. President, we’ve heard reports that the Jewish people…
Sit down. I don’t need to hear from the fake news bureau. You should get a job with a real newspaper. I have heard that some religious people don’t like Adolf but some of them don’t like anybody. You can’t please everybody. Adolf said he had some problem with some dissidents trying to disrupt all the progress he’s made, Jews I think, but he got them under control. Some nasty rumor even said he’s killed a lot of people. I don’t know why they’d say that. I asked him about it and he said no it wasn’t true. Don’t know why he’d lie to me. Like I said we like each other. He’s going to buy a lot of stuff from us for his country. So I say keep on hailing. You know people should hail me. Hail Trump. That has a nice ring to it.
